Monday, July 19, 2010

Taking a good long look at my life

I wrote "Take A Look"  a few months back as if I was writing it to a friend of mine.  Now as with so many things, my thoughts have come full circle pointing in my direction.  I've been a lazy kid lately.  "With four kids"? you say.  No really, it's possible. What I mean is that I've been surviving by doing the minimal amount of work possible, and then escaping into the realm of  my comforts (late night Netflix and chocolate for starters) ASAP!  Now I know that there are times when really, surviving is moving forward, and I've been there, but I don't have to be there now.  I've just been flitting around, not really looking for much of a vision to hook into, and let me please go on record to say, so that you can call me out when I forget it, that this is no way to live.  We humans seem to be programmed to want something outside of ourselves, something bigger to be a part of, a cause, a love, a person, the spiritual, the ethereal, and when we shrink our world to ourselves, we really just shrinkwrap our personhood and leave out a fundamental element of being human.  So, I've been on my little "Desi is the center of the world"  jag for a bit, and it's really pretty comfortable, until something reminds me again of just how small I really am, and just how much is out there that I can be a part of.  Maybe that's why I like to climb rocks. When your face to face with something large and unyielding that scoffs at your futile attempts to scramble up it's face, it puts things into perspective.  When you finally reach the top with bruised knees, spaghetti arms and scraped up hands, you feel like you've accomplished something,  Then you realize that the something really not much after all in the large scheme of things, and that there are much larger "rocks" to climb.  I guess I'm beginning to look for my rock so to speak.  Several years back, something happened to me and I became afraid to dream, afraid to offer of myself.  Most of you reading this know what that is so I don't need to go into it. Now, I'm just starting to dream some dreams for myself, my family, my world.  I've been taking a look...

Here's a link to the song  "Take a Look"

Oh, and my personal favorite line in this song is "Are you a phantom of who you could be?"

1 comment:

  1. I love everything about this post! Love you! Thank you for being so real